In America, if you have a functioning trigger-finger and a partially operating brain, there’s a lethal, high-calibre firearm you can own, or at least use while your parents are out line dancing at the local NRA fundraiser.
The guns, many fully automatic and capable of wiping out an entire herd of buffalo or ‘Save the Forests’ protesters in the time it takes to scream, “Yee hah, I’m a talented and principled sportsperson like millions who share my place in the bottom quartile of normal I.Q. distribution!” are magnificent massacring machines.
In fact they’re so good that most crazy, syphilis-riddled African warloads would kill for one, and often do.
Unfortunately, in Australia, the Government has decided that although it’s happy for its citizens to die slow deaths from excessive consumption of sugary American soft drinks, salty snacks and fat-laden fast foods, it is not yet keen to enable us to shoot each other as tens of thousands do in the ‘land of the brave (victims) and the home of the free (to be shot)’.
Fortunately, we are allowed to kill flies, however we choose.
There are no quotas and no limits on where the murdering can take place. Most, like American human shootings, take place in or around the family home.
But we are as happy to slaughter them in front of dinner guests as we are to smash them against a window in front of the kids.
The Australian Legal Murder Weapon of choice is the Australian Legal Murder Weapon, pictured here.
At present, the product (essentially a traditional Australian fly spray) is going through the long approvals process and won’t be ready for you to purchase for some months.
If you’d like us to let you know when it is available just leave us your email address below and we’ll contact you when the ‘weapon’ is approved and ready to buy.
“Yes, I’d like to be able to kill lots of flies using The Australian Legal Murder Weapon.
Read more about How do fly sprays work? in our Fly Facts section